dxyner (dxyner) wrote in fightdepression,

4th of July 2011

I'm not okay. It feels like the world isn't okay, but I know that the reality is that the world is pretty much the same as it was yesterday, so the issue is me.

It's the 4th of July. It's a summer holiday, a day marked by celebrations of independence, freedom, warm weather, community... And yet, the world feels dead outside. The streets are completely empty around me. There are no children playing, no sprinklers running... There are no parades to be heard, no random early afternoon firecrackers, no convoys of classic American cars or proud Harley owners. There are no sounds of parties or smell of barbecue. In fact, there are not even any flags adorning porches or front yards today.

It feels like the world is suddenly empty and uncaring and I have been left alone in the middle of it. I never imagined that Independence Day would be one of those holidays to bring on a flare of depression, but here I am, sad, angry, confused, and lonely. I am apart from friends and family, missing people I cannot reach, and I can't even find the energy of others' celebrations to buoy me up vicariously.

I wish I wasn't lonely and broken.
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