I'm sorry that when we were children and you pushed me down that you feel bad now about pushing me down, and keeping me there but you can't do anything about it now except jest and mock how my face twisted. I'm sorry that I didn't want to watch football with you on saturdays and work on your car, I'm sorry that friend of the court suspended your visitation rights after you beat me and how bad that must've made you feel. I'm sorry that you spent all that money on all those therapists, for me to lie down in an alley after slashing at veins then passing out from blood loss under a sky full of stars. I am sorry that I am the "Black sheep" of the family and for being different and weird and strange and irrational. I am sorry I couldn't trust you and I'm sorry for pushing you away. I am especially sorry that you loved me, I cannot ever apologize enough for that. I am sorry that I am incapable of love. I am sorry that I am incapable of hope, I am sorry that all I am good at is quitting.